Low self-esteem is like having a shadow you can’t shake, lingering in the background of everything you do. It's subtle enough that you might not even notice how much it's affecting your life—until you do. And by then, it feels like it’s woven into your day-to-day, quietly steering decisions and shaping how you see yourself.
In your 20s and 30s, this shadow can sneak in at crucial moments—those times when you’re just starting to find your footing, whether it’s at work, in friendships, or while trying to build something that resembles a stable adult life. So, what does low self-esteem look like when it shows up to crash the party? And more importantly, how do you start reclaiming your confidence?
The Endless Second-Guessing Game
It’s that feeling when someone compliments you, and your first instinct is to dismiss it. “They’re just being nice. They don’t actually mean it.” Or worse, you deflect the compliment entirely with some self-deprecating comment that leaves you feeling even smaller. This isn’t modesty—it’s the persistent belief that you’re not worthy of praise or recognition.
Low self-esteem also loves to play the “what if” game. What if I fail? What if I embarrass myself? It’s exhausting, constantly living in a mental maze where every path leads to the worst-case scenario. And here’s the kicker: it makes you start to believe that playing it safe is the best option, even if it means shrinking yourself to fit the expectations of others or avoid risk.
The Art of Disappearing in Plain Sight
When you struggle with low self-esteem, you may find yourself fading into the background—not because you want to, but because it feels safer than being seen. Being seen means you’re vulnerable, open to judgment, and let’s be real, who wants to deal with that kind of exposure?
You might start saying “yes” to things you don’t actually want to do or biting your tongue when you really need to speak up. It’s a subtle form of self-erasure—like you’re slowly editing yourself out of your own life. You become so focused on being agreeable, on not rocking the boat, that your own needs, thoughts, and boundaries fall by the wayside.
Perfectionism’s Ugly Cousin
Low self-esteem and perfectionism are often partners in crime. You set impossibly high standards for yourself, and when you inevitably fall short, it confirms your deepest fears about your worth. You’re not just trying to succeed—you’re trying to prove that you’re good enough in the first place.
But here’s the cruel irony: the more you strive for perfection, the more you feed the cycle of low self-esteem. It becomes a never-ending loop where “almost good enough” isn’t enough. And let’s be honest, perfect doesn’t exist, so you’re basically setting yourself up to lose every time.
Unraveling the Knot
Low self-esteem is like a knot that tightens over time, and untying it takes patience. Start by challenging the tiny, everyday moments where it creeps in. When that inner voice tells you you’re not capable, ask yourself, “What’s the evidence for that?” Most of the time, you’ll find there isn’t any—just old fears trying to masquerade as truth.
And yeah, it’s uncomfortable. After all, you’ve spent years believing these narratives about yourself, so rewriting them won’t happen overnight. But every small step toward self-compassion is a step in the right direction, even if it feels shaky at first.
What Comes Next
Here’s the truth: low self-esteem doesn’t magically disappear because you’ve read a blog post or had one good day. But little by little, you can stop letting it call the shots. You’re allowed to take up space, to have a voice, and to believe that you deserve better than just scraping by.
So, start where you are, even if it feels uncomfortable. Take up that space you’ve been giving away, and know that it’s not selfish to put yourself first every once in a while. It’s necessary.
The road out of low self-esteem is messy and uneven, but here’s the thing: you’re already on it. Keep going.