The Trouble with Saying “No”: Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

If saying “no” were easy, we’d all be a lot less stressed out. But for some reason, that tiny word can feel like it weighs a ton, especially in your 20s and 30s when it seems like everyone needs something from you. Whether it's work, family, friends, or random obligations that somehow find their way to your plate, the word “yes” just keeps slipping out before you’ve even had a chance to think.

And then? Well, now you’re stuck, again, doing something you didn’t really want to do.

The Yes Reflex

For a lot of young women, the reflex to say “yes” is almost automatic. It's not that you want to overcommit, but there’s this unspoken pressure to be agreeable, to keep the peace, and to avoid rocking the boat. After all, saying “no” can feel like you’re letting someone down, and who wants to deal with the awkwardness that comes after?

But every time you say “yes” when you don’t mean it, you’re giving a little bit of yourself away. One favor here, a last-minute project there, another coffee date you didn’t really want to commit to. Before long, your time isn’t even your own anymore. You’re juggling obligations, feeling worn out, and wondering why there’s never enough space for you in your own life.

The Guilt of Saying "No"

Let’s talk about the guilt. That inevitable wave that hits you after you finally muster up the courage to say “no.” You think, maybe I shouldn’t have done that, or they probably hate me now. It doesn’t matter if your “no” was completely reasonable—you still feel like you’ve committed some kind of social sin.

But here’s the thing: saying “no” isn’t about being mean or selfish. It’s about protecting your own well-being. And honestly, it’s kind of crazy that we feel guilty for that. No one else is living your life but you, so why do we get so caught up in how other people might perceive our boundaries?

Boundaries: The Thing We’re Supposed to Have, But Don’t

Setting boundaries isn’t easy when you’re used to accommodating everyone else. It feels uncomfortable, like you’re suddenly the bad guy for wanting something as simple as time for yourself. But here’s the reality: without boundaries, you end up lost in the shuffle, unsure of where you end and other people’s expectations begin.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out or being difficult. They’re about protecting your mental and emotional well-being. It’s acknowledging that you can’t be everything to everyone without burning out—and that’s okay. Setting boundaries is a way of saying, “I matter too,” which, spoiler again, is true.

Relearning the Power of “No”

If you’ve spent most of your life bending over backward for others, saying “no” feels strange at first—like trying on someone else’s shoes. But it’s worth it. The first time you say “no” and mean it, you might feel a little twinge of guilt, but that’s just your people-pleasing muscles resisting the change. Over time, it gets easier.

It helps to start small. The next time someone asks something of you and your gut reaction is, “Ugh, I really don’t want to,” take a moment. You don’t have to answer right away. Give yourself a second to think, and if “no” is the right answer, say it. You don’t have to give a detailed excuse or offer up apologies—just a simple “no, I can’t this time” will do the trick.

And guess what? The world won’t fall apart. People who respect you will understand, and those who don’t? Well, that’s a sign you probably didn’t need to keep them in your inner circle anyway.

What’s Next?

Learning to say “no” is a process, and it’s one that takes practice. You’ll probably slip up here and there, say yes when you mean no, and end up regretting it. That’s okay—it’s all part of the learning curve. But as you get better at it, you’ll notice something: you start to have more space in your life for the things that really matter to you, not just the things other people want from you.

So, here’s to saying “no” without guilt, setting boundaries without apology, and slowly but surely reclaiming your time and energy. You deserve it.